if there's a way out of this, somebody tell me

saviior_exe

Netto was better.

He'd done his crying, his moping, his bellyaching for a little over a week. He'd spent that endless time in his childhood bedroom, counting cracks in the ceiling and fluff on the carpet. He'd just needed time to think. Needed time to roll that conversation over in his head, commit it to memory, not let it be stolen by the wave of shame that'd been crashing into him.

He'd gone on runs, spanned half the downtown in record time. He breathed in cool seaside air, felt the salt sting his eyes, reminded himself of his own mortality. He'd done all the things that just felt right to do after your worldview was sort of shattered entirely.

Well, everything except the normal things.

He was supposed to come to the main office come Monday. He wasn't going out on assignment again, but…Cain was inquiring about the next round of testing. He had paperwork to sign. This was going to be the last trial before his paper was published. Just four weeks of field tests and then it was over.

A part of Netto wanted to say yes. He wanted to sign the papers, because he wasn't the type to back down before a job was through. He wanted to see this through because it felt like it meant something if he did. That all the horrible things were meaningful if it meant something useful came out of it.

But he thought of the way Enzan had looked at him; how Laika had. How he was no longer carrying a subPET in his pocket. It would be a let down to them, wouldn't it be?

…Wouldn't it be?

But he was better now. The sun was shining and beautiful and it felt great on his face. He'd shed the long sleeved, Official issue workout clothes and had a plain sleeveless shirt and shorts— which meant all of his skin was getting kissed by that sun. He reminded himself that when things were bad, you had to hold onto what was good. And the sun was good.

But the weight of incoming work did weigh on him. He felt this new resistance he'd never felt before, this inertia to stay away. He really enjoyed his work with the Officials, especially the restoration end of it– sure, the Netbattling wasn't as fun anymore without Rock, but there was still a lot to enjoy.

…and a lot to dread. His feet had started to take him to the next best place he knew aside from home; Pen's apartment. She must have felt this too, right? Maybe this was just normal nerves. Enzan wouldn't get it, because he'd been in this since he was a kid— plus, he was already stressing them out so bad over the last week. He could spread the work out.

In a moment he was at Pen's door, knocking gently— it only just occured to him she might not be home, because of said job, but maybe it was still worth a shot.

"Pen? Hey— it's Netto!" He called through the door. How much did she know…? Did Enzan tell her about their conversation? Maybe they had, and that was okay. This was nothing to be ashamed of, Dad had told him so.

Role

Pen sat up from the couch, and rubbed her eyes. She wasn't unused to visitors at odd hours, but the knock at the door still made her jump.

"Role, get the door?" Pen asked. "I don't think I latched the bolt."

The navi's digital voice chimed through the lock system as the latch released. "Come on in, Netto!"

Pen climbed out of her cocoon and shambled over to the table. She brushed aside some errent papers and her mug from the night before. She thought she was going pretty quick, despite her grogginess. Within a few seconds she had cleared a hospitible enough looking place for him.

"You're up early," she called to him. "Aren't you on the way to work?"

saviior_exe

He didn't mind the papers- it made him feel a little better about the somewhat constant mess his own apartment was in. Netto didn't fully realize just how early it was, as his days had been so upside-down.

Netto blinked, and didn't quite respond to Pen right away. So Enzan didn't say anything to her? A crawling fear began in the pit of his stomach- Pen definitely didn't know, and that had to be that. "Um - yeah, I am up early."

He felt the urge, but didn't yet dip for the PET in his pocket. It was a crutch. "Umm. No, I'm not on my way to work- um, did Enzan talk to you? Recently?" He laughed nervously, and remembered to take his place at the table. "I've been on leave, remember- um, I mean, it was gonna expire last week, but- I extended it. For a week."

He giggled, though it was an anxious action. He didn't realize how suddenly awkward this would be. Would Pen lecture him, like Laika and Enzan had - would it be an interrogation? (It was necessary, and they were justified, but still...!)

Role

@saviior_exe "Mmhm," Pen hummed, though her brow rose a touch. "I knew you were on break, but I didn't know that second part."

She folded her hands in front of herself and gave Netto her full attention. They were no stranger to needing time, to insisting upon proper care... But what had Netto gone through, where he needed such a thing? What would make him look so anxious?

"Is there something Enzan was supposed to tell me?" She paused, gauging Netto's response before she moved to get a mug from the cupboard.

"... I noticed that project you were on stalled. I was supposed to have some fancy new tech by now." Somehow, Pen felt Netto needed some privacy to answer that, so she busied herself with boiling some water. There had been whispers of trouble, but she hadn't thought of it as anything critical. Bumps in the road were common at Scilabs.

saviior_exe

Netto opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. It just hung there, and the shock of what Pen had said made the fresh scar on his temple ache. She was supposed to get the next Link trial— of course, why wouldn't she? Enzan probably was too, though he'd had the good sense to shut up about it. Pen just didn't even know. What do you even say to that? He could think of a thousand things, but all of his defenses had made Enzan and Laika look at him in that way that made his chest ache. Some mix of shock, pity, horror, and anger. He didn't want to see it on Pen too, and certainly not because he was still sorting his feelings about all of it.

Instead, he gave into temptation and placed his PET on the table. Rockman appeared a moment later, hologram sitting atop the device. Instead of Netto, he spoke what his operator was struggling to say. "Dr. Cain is getting fired. Soon. The ethics board review is in a few days. Dad is on it. That project is probably going to get scrapped."

Netto wrung his wrists, and somewhat shamefully looked away from the table. Guilt was written all over his face, though for what it wasn't clear. There was too much to say, and that brand new pit of anxiety hadn't really left him yet. It would one day, that he was sure of– but all of these feelings were new to him.

Role

"Oh, Netto," Pen whispered. She stared at Netto's downcast face, finally noticing the faint burn scar along his temple. She stood up, placing her hands on his face to turn him to look at her.

"What happened?" She asked. "Did he hurt you?"

Words like "ethics" brought up frightening images in her mind of testing and probing that harkened back to the darkest days. She pulled back from him, to hug her arms to her chest. Coming from that figure of authority... Why would Netto ever have said no? She remembered Enzan telling her about slipping into the crossfusion scanner, how he couldn't refuse a doctor's words.

"I'm so sorry, whatever it was," she said. "That you were involved in something... messy."

saviior_exe

"Um," Netto stalled out, which was quite unusual of him. If there was anything he was known for it was his quick wit; but Pen's hands on his face made his eyes water. He quickly shook his head (a motion Rockman had done a thousand times before) as if to clear the emotion he was feeling. He'd already talked this out with Enzan and Laika. He could do this again.

"I mean, I guess- I guess he did. I don't know what to think about it," and he was honest. Brutally so. Rockman looked at an interesting chunk of the table, as if he were tracing the wood grain, and did not chime in again. "Do- do you remember how, like, I like- showed up late?"

(Netto remembered it and felt a pang in his chest; looking at Enzan's betrayal, all over his face, in that horrible hospital bed- oh, and Laika-)

"A-After everything happened. W-Well, um. I guess- we were all kinda busy, right? Haha- um." The laughter was clearly nervous. He started to twirl a strand of hair near the burn scar. "I didn't. Know. I - I didn't know what was happening when it happened. Cain-" He loathed the name, it felt horrid in his mouth now- "He blocked my communication and didn't, tell me. Made it seem like everyone just stopped reaching out. He would- randomly let calls through, so I wouldn't get suspicious."

Netto suddenly barked out a laugh louder than he meant to. "When I say it like that, it sounds- sounds like some real villain shit, ahaha."

Rockman's little hologram glanced up at Netto, though didn't quite look at him. He'd seen it all already, known this part; but it didn't stop the ache. Didn't stop what they now shared.

Role

"Oh," Pen breathed, just barely audible over the sound of the kettle. She rubbed her face, as a torrent of emotions she hadn't been ready for rushed over her. The void they had all felt, the space Netto usually took up, the extra time Pen had spent—

"Oh, Netto," she shook her head, because then she felt the guilt he must just be realizing. "He stole so much from you. From us."

She couldn't cry, not yet. It was obvious from his expression that he would stop right here if she gave any indication she wanted him to.

"I'm so sorry," she repeated. "Let me get you a cup, before you keep going."

"Thank you for telling us this, boys," Role said softly.

saviior_exe

Stole was a new word for it. Rockman had said some choice things, some angry sentiment, but not stole. The time wasn't stolen to them, because- "Um, thank you."

Tea. It was always tea. Netto expected coffee, the horrible instant stuff that Enzan only really pulled out when he wasn't expecting anyone. At the office. He stared down at the cup for a few moments. Rockman still inspected the table.

"Um, yeah. Um- I guess that was low on the rung of crap that happened, but I thought it was- kinda the worst part." This, Rockman did react to- his hologram disappeared, but he was only returning to the PET. "Uh- the tech he was, working on, was also kinda bad too."

He took a sip, and the sting on his tongue seemed to invigorate him to keep talking. "It was, like, a thing to make it easy to do full-synchro with any navi. A Link. Based on, like, the pulse transmission stuff. Just a lot safer. In theory."

Maybe if he said it in a rush it wouldn't feel so bad. "It made me really sick, and uh-" He glanced at the PET, and went for it- "I think it's made me, um, unable to synch with Rock. At all."

He said it, and it was a bygone conclusion, but soon after the words left his mouth there was a steady drip drip from his cheeks. He was crying. It was the absolute worst part. Damn the lost time, damn the pain, damn the sickness and the hallucinations, this was what was stolen from him. Netto blushed, as if ashamed of it, and looked away from Pen. "W-We just go fucking ballistic if we do. Can't control it anymore. W-Which sucks."

Understatement. Netto pushed the heel of his free hand into his eye to stem the sudden flow of tears. He thought he'd already cried them all.